Surviving Spirit newsletter from Mike skinner
February 10, 2010
The Surviving Spirit Newsletter – Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts –
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. - Kahlil Gibran
Hello Folks,
I hope all is well for everyone and you are ’surviving’ some of the wild weather that has been going on these past several weeks – really cold in my neck of the woods…and I’ve had enough of shoveling already!!!
I try my level best to get this out in the middle of the month…but as we all know…some of our best laid plans go awry – for me lately, it has been a ‘temperamental’ computer that needed to go in for some repairs…still not 100%…but it will do for now.
Lots of great info and resources to share…I don’t expect folks to absorb everything all at once, take your time…
I would like to open this newsletter for a brand new year with these wonderful words of wisdom shared from my friend Susan Catherine Keter in Nairobi, Kenya:
“As a new year dawns, let us embark to do more to promote mental health. Let each one of us do whatever we can in our own small way to improve the mental health situation.
We start with ourselves, doing away with habits that don’t do any good for mental health. Not big things but just small things like cultivating supportive relationships around us, working with budgets so that we cut out the stress that comes with over spending, doing a kind deed to someone who needs it, endeavoring to engage in some form of physical exercise for at least a few hours every week, and many of those small steps that we can take. And if we can go a step further and reach out to others with a positive message, a shared activity that we enjoy or whatever we can do to make life better for all of us, so much the better.
I wish each one of you a prosperous New Year 2010. Together, we can change the world, in our own small way.
Cheers for the year ahead. Susan”
Well said Susan!!! - Please do visit Susan’s site, lots of great info, insight, and resources for healing –
Users and Survivors of Psychiatry in Kenya - www.uspkenya.com
and Cool Waters – www.thecoolwaters.com
I’ve got a few events that I would like to share –
I’ll be performing February 4th at:
Perks Coffeehouse - www.myspace.com/perkscoffeehouseproductions
685 Washington Street
Norwood, MA 02062 781-762-5565 – starting at 8pm [2 – forty five minute sets]
February 6th I’ll be doing a webinar – “Hope, Healing and Help through Music and Advocacy.” from 3-5pm [Eastern Standard Time] for the good folks at Survivorship, please visit www.survivorship.org for more info on logging in, etc. And a warm round of kudos for Bonnie Bazill-Davis of Speak Out Services [ www.speakoutservices.com ] for helping out with this endeavor and for all of the advocacy work that she is doing.
February 11th I’ll be speaking [with some music] at New Hampshire State Hospital, sharing some of my trials and tribulations, but to show hope – for it wasn’t that long ago, that I too was told I “would never work again”, etc, etc because of my mental health concerns caused by trauma and abuse. I’ll be back there on March 18th…this time just having some fun playing music for all.
My friend Chrys Ballerano will be speaking on trauma-informed care for this event on March 8th:
Women’s Treatment Conference put together by the ASAP of New York State Women, Children and Family Services Committee. For more info please contact:
Susan Ohanesian Susan.Ohanesian@pallediainc.org Ph: 212-979-8800 or
Paige Prentice pprentice@horizon-health.org Ph: 716-831-1800, ext 221
Chrys is an incredible person – not only is she a great advocate on the issues of trauma, abuse, and mental health…but she is also a gifted singer/songwriter/guitarist & and drum workshop presenter who I’ve had the good fortune through the years to hear perform and present.
She can be reached at - cballerano@nyscasa.org www.nyscasa.org – NY State Coalition Against Sexual Assault
Speaking of performing & presenting, Robin Lane of A Women’s Voice offers songwriting and recording for trauma survivors, to learn more, please visit: http://awomansvoice.net/ Some of you may remember Robin from her days with Robin Lane & The Chartbusters – they had some great hits!!!
Talking openly about childhood sexual abuse is damn hard to do [I still struggle with it]…we still have a long way to go where society has an open mind and a open heart to these matters…so when folks not only take the courage to speak out, but do so in a public forum, well, that does deserve recognition and our support.
~A Voice Within~ Abuse survivor and author/poet Marie Waldrep shares her personal story and helps others to recover & heal from abuse by providing support, crisis contact, information, statistics, etc at: http://avoicewithin.webnode.com/
Tiffani Wampler shows hope and healing at her site – Living A Secret – A Resource for Survivors of Incest and Sexual Abuse, please visit http://livingasecret.com/ Also, you can check out her appearance on Good Morning America via this link – http://livingasecret.com/?p=10
Jim Austin shares some powerful testimony and words of courage and hope via the attachments included with this newsletter. Jim is a social worker at a prison in Canada…and a survivor. It is well worth taking the time to read what he shares. If you wish to contact him, please let me know, due to his work environment, I cannot post his contact info.
Jerome Lawrence as an artist has created some incredible work, and proof positive that one can do all kinds of things regardless of what life has handed you. He shows that hope and healing are possible despite the struggles of schizophrenia. Even former president Jimmy Carter and his wife are impressed with Jerome’s work – purchases of his art now resides in the Carter Center – not bad. And he’s a good guy to know!!! Learn more at www.jeromelawrence.net
And thanks to Jerome for this connection – Jayme Lynch and the good folks at the Georgia Mental Health Consumer Network www.gmhcn.org are now posting the Surviving Spirit at their website. Check it out, because they have lots of helpful resources posted!!!
This is a very powerful and compelling piece of work from authors Darby Penney, Peter Stastny, and photographer Lisa Rinsler – The Lives They Left Behind: Suitcases From A State Hospital Attic – http://www.suitcaseexhibit.org/indexhasflash.html I’ve known Darby now for many years and have long wanted to share this incredible piece of work…finally, here it is. Again, something to take the time to visit and learn…and heck, buy the book.
Jan Brown is someone I’ve known now for many years and have long admired her tireless efforts on the issues of domestic violence…and her organization has long included and helped males who also know violence from their partner – please learn more about the Domestic Abuse Helpline for men and women at: http://www.dahmw.org
I’m so glad that my friend Melissa Firmes shared this information with a group of us recently – this is truly a great place of hope and caring – Comfort Zone Camp – A fun and safe place for grieving children. Please do visit the site to learn more – www.comfortzonecamp.org/
Last but not least – Azalea Blossom, Inc has asked me to serve on their board of directors…truly an honor and a privilege to do so. I’ve known Margaret Bernstein for many years now as a dear friend and she too uses her music, education and testimony in helping others, especially in schools with her outreach. Please visit www.azaleablossom.com to learn more.
Take care, Mike
ps. Please share this with your friends & if you have received this in error, please let me know.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
A diagnosis is not a destiny.
www.mskinnermusic.com – Hope, Healing, & Help for Trauma, Abuse, & Mental Health through music, resources, & advocacy
www.myspace.com/michaelskinnermusic – musical endeavors only
www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=635415804%20 Facebook – for friends, music, & advocacy!!
www.youtube.com/mcstrain – live performance of "Brush Away Your Tears" from TV show interview
mikeskinner@comcast.net 603-625-2136 38 River Ledge Drive, Goffstown, NH 03045
www.michaelskinner.net – new site for public speaking & music presentation on healing for trauma, abuse, & mental health.
"BE the change you want to see in the world." Mohandas Gandhi
P.A.V.E. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence
February 3, 2010
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PAVE Newsletter
Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence
January 2010
In this Issue
:: Haiti and Human Trafficking
:: Sexual Violence in the News
Dear Jacki m,
PAVE shatters the silence of sexual violence through social awareness, educational outreach, and legislative efforts. By being both prevention and awareness focused, PAVE works on all fronts to end sexual violence affecting men, women and children throughout the globe.
We use art, education and action to challenge cultural norms that encourage violence and ignore the spectrum of sexual abuse. We create an awareness and response to any injustices victims, survivors and their communities suffer.
You’re invited to join this important work – learn more today!
Talking About Sexual Assault
New Book by Sarah Ullman
Releasing this March, Ullman’s book discusses the trauma women experience from a sexual assault and that revictimization that occurs from following social reactions upon disclosing the assault.
Learn more and pre-order
here.
Thanks for Attending
Chicago Well-Being Expo
This last Saturday Stacy Nadeau of Dove’s "Real Women", Life and Business Coach, Bevin Lynch, Duong Sheahan of the Live Healthier and Happier Blog, and Founder of PAVE Angela Rose came together for the Chicago Well Being Expo
This expo will continue on to Washington D.C., New York City, and L.A.! Thanks to all those who attended our kick-off event!
5th UN Conference for Women
Take Action to Make it Happen
On Sept. 30, 2009 US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton chaired a meeting with the UN Security Council where a resolution mandating peacekeeping missions to protect women and children from sexual violence during armed conflict was unanimously adopted.
With such momentum the 5th Annual UN World Conference on Women (5WCW) would be the most influential and far-reaching women’s conference ever held. Grassroots activism and political leadership needs to be mobilized or it won’t happen. Learn more and sign a petition
here.
Clery Act Updates in 2010
Security on Campus, Inc.
Learn the latest amendments to the Clery Act through Security on Campus’ comprehensive trainings.
Date: July 7-8, 2010
Location: Phladelphia, PA
Partnership: University of Pennsylvania’s Division of Public Safety
Date: July 19-20, 2010
Location:Chicago, IL
Partnership: Northwestern University’s Police Department
PAVE’s Survivor Justice Director will be attending!
East Coast, Southwest and West Coast trainings are currently being planned. Stay posted
Haiti and Human Trafficking
Manual for Preventino 
ECPAT International has published a manual to protect children from trafficking during times of natural disaster and upheavel. It was developed for the tsunami in Southeast Asia but is equally as relevant for children affected by the earthquake in Haiti. It is free for anyone who wants to use it. Download it here.
English and Spanish current
ly available. A French version will soon be available.
Sexual Violence in the News
The topic of sexual violence is frequently in the media. Part of shattering the silence is reading and responding to these news. PAVE encourages you to write a
letter to the editor or comment on blogs covering the article, such as PAVE Voices.
Blogs
Male Survivors – Curvature
Rape Myths – The Sexist
Lil’ Wayne Jokes of His Rape- The Sexist
Domestic News
Bus Driver Assaults Student – Assoc. Press
Pedophile Sentenced – Assoc. Press
Accused Bishop Jumps from Balcony - Assoc Press
Pete Townshend and Child Porn- NY DailyNews
Teacher ‘Sex’ with Boys – Assoc. Press
Deportation for Statutory Rape – Assoc. Press
International News
Anti-Homosexuality Law in Uganda – ABC News
**Take action against this law here**
Growing Movement for Change
PAVE Chapters & Affiliates
Welcome to our newest chapter:
Western Technical College of La Crosse, WI
Welcome to our newest Affiliate:
Active Mind Therapy, LLC of Highland Park, IL
Recommend
PAVE’s Affiliate Program to a friend or local organization!
Shattering The Silence of Domestic Violence With Actress/Filmmaker Angelica Torn
Date
: February 8, 2010
Location: DePaul Center – Room 805
Purpose: Featuring Clips from the Award Winning Film LUCKY DAYS -
Talkback with Filmmaker/Actress Angelica Torn with PAVE Founder Angela Rose
More Upcoming Events
7th Annual Valentine’s Day Distinguished Family Violence Lecture
Date: February 10, 2010
Location: DePaul Center – Room 805
One East Jackson Boulevard Chicago, IL
Purpose: "Beyond "He Said, She Said": How Can Rape Be Prosecuted in the 21st Century?"
PAVE’s Survivor Justice Director and Male Empowerment Director will be there!
Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships
Date: February 24-26, 2010
Location: Dallas, Texas
Purpose: Unite the science, service and policy surrounding issues of violence prevention
PAVE’s Founder Angela Rose will be presenting there!
Re-Abolish Modern Day Slavery
Date: March 1-2, 2010
Location: George Washington University in Washington D.C.
Purpose: Join ‘Not for Sale’ in asking for stronger legislation against human trafficking. This event will have advocacy training, networking, and meetings with your elected representatives.
Learn more!
MaleSurvivor: 2010 International Conference
Date: March 18 – 21, 2010
Location: John Jay College of Criminal Justice New York City, New York
Purpose: Topics covered will be female perpetrators, institutional abuse, and more
Register Now
PAVE’s Male Empowerment Director will be there!
7th Annual Hawaii Conference
Date: March 29-April 1, 2010
Location: Ala Moana Hotel, Honolulu
Purpose: Professional training for Preventing, Assessing & Treating Child, Adolescent and Adult Trauma
Learn More
Amnesty International’s Art Festival
Date: April 23-25, 2010
Location: Silver Spring, Maryland
Purpose: An arts and human rights festival is a powerful manner of bringing cultural organizations and businesses together, as well as highlighting the highest possibilities of the American social and political spheres.
Event Website
PAVE’s Founder and Executive Director Angela Rose will be there!
30th NOVA Conference
Date: August 22-25, 2010
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Purpose: The conference will focus on enhancing your the skills to work with victims. There are plenty of opportunities for all to refine your professional capacities and develop specialized skills.
More information available
National Sexual Assault Conference
Date: September 1-3, 2010
Location: L.A., California
Purpose: The California Coalition Against Sexual Assault will be hosting the 2010 national conference
Learn more
15th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma (IVAT)
Date: Sept. 10-11, 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Purpose: The mission is to provide professional training and information dissemination to improve the quality of life for those affected by violence, abuse, and trauma on local, national, and international levels.
Donate today to continue our efforts to shatter the silence of sexual violence in your community!
Sincerely,
QUICK Links
PAVE Mailing List
Twitter: PAVEInfo – PAVEJustice
PAVE Website
Angela Rose’s Website
Madison Chapter of PAVE
Come Meet Angela Shelton
February 2, 2010
http://ladyjztalkzone.com/Squish4AngelaSheltonPage.html
More and more Men are speaking out just as much as Women have and it’s about time for equal rights. Be part of a grassroots movement & Take the Challenge with us to stop the cycle of abuse. Not just any opportunity, this is one that is meant to help you grow as you help others. Please read and if it’s not for you then forward it to someone who you think could use this hope in their life.
Hi Everyone, Lady J here, 4Rchildrensfutures and Lady Jz Talk Zone.
I know it has been a while since I’ve written personally to many of you. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions of living the life you have built for yourself. I’m back to tell you all about a wonderful grassroots movement I have become involved in promoting and have actually started taking this challenge myself. I want to introduce you all to Angela Shelton who is the creator of the award winning documentary, Searching for Angela Shelton, where she interviewed other women around the United Sates who shared her name. It started out as just a project to do during the writers strike and sounded like a neat idea at the time.
What she discovered was that 70% of them had been victims of rape, childhood sexual assault and/or domestic violence. Her survey became personal when she met an Angela Shelton who was tracking sexual predators and lived in the same town as her father who was her abuser. When she arrived in her town on Father’s Day things got "too weird to be weird anymore" (in her words) and she decided to confront him on camera.
I have followed her personally for the last years and watch her each Sunday on a little ustream show now called the Angela Shelton Show so if you stop by one Sunday at 12:00 pst you be sure to say hi to me and let me know you found us through these emailers. Her film has won many awards and she has been on the Oprah Winfrey show, Larry King Live, 48 Hours Investigates and Lifetime Television for Women so she did get plenty of exposure in the beginning. She then wrote the full story of her journey in a book called "Finding Angela Shelton" in which she tells she had to face her past abuse and how it fueled the life she had led. As many of us had to learn way later then we hope for our younger travelers on this journey we call Living Well to spite them all.
If you or someone you know would love to be committed to inspiring and empowering people to lead joyful lives I invite you to come by, Meet the Angela Shelton I have grown to know and love, download the Angela Shelton commitment Declaration for free and when you are ready download the Survival Manual Warrior Workbook and create a group around you of others who want to let go of whatever is halting your progress forward, whether it is an addiction, an abusive relationship, a negative thought pattern or the fear of revealing yourself to the world.
Please come by Lady Jz Talk Zone at http://ladyjztalkzone.com/Squish4AngelaSheltonPage.html and visit us often to learn more about the other people I support and love who have made the life of others so much better by doing what they do. And forward this to anyone who you think would love to join us on this journey with others. One of the movements from this is called the Army of Angels which I am so honored to be part of as we grow across the county an inspire others to take the challenge to live wonderful and joyous lives to the best we can. My name is Lady J and I speak for all those who have not found their voice yet.
It’s never to late to have a happy childhood for both men and women alike. Abuse is abuse for either of us. Let’s raise our voices and stop them from doing it to anyone else. Join us today and share your story. And know you never have to travel this road alone. There is an Army of Angels out here waiting for you. LadyJ
http://www.myspace.com/ladyjztalkzone
http://ladyjztalkzone.com/people_i_follow__support.html
Free Commitment Page – commitment, promise
You are buying this product directly from Angela Shelton. Please contact Angela Shelton for ANY …
Angela Shelton’s Survivor Manual Warrior Workbook – The new …
The Survivor Manual Warrior Workbook is used as a teaching tool with therapists, support groups and community education programs.
Searching for Angela Shelton Official DVD with commentary, CC and …
Official Searching for Angela Shelton DVD – 24.95 the multi-award winning documentary. Never-before-seen footage, closed captioning for the hearing impaired …
Searching for Angela Shelton Script – Searching for Angela Shelton …$12.95
The script from the official DVD version of Searching for Angela Shelton.
Searching for Angela Shelton Viewer Guide – When you purchase this …
When your class joins a team on the Joy Campaign and takes on the Finding Angela Shelton Challenge, you can have this workbook and a classroom license FOR …$95.00
Classroom License
Use the Searching for Angela Shelton Viewing Guide and make a class project out of it. …
Public Performance License – You must also purchase a DVD with your …
Public performance of the film ‘Searching for Angela Shelton’ in any setting does not qualify as "private home viewing" or “viewing party” and requires …
Click here to visit AngelaShelton.
Click here to view more details
Marie’s Saving site updates for V-day
January 30, 2010
Enter Marie’s Saving Site’s Frugal Romance Contest
Submit your frugal Valentine’s Day celebration plans using the link below and win a custom-made gift basket from Marie’s Gifts & Books. Deadline for entry is February 7, 2010. Winner will be announced February 8, 2010.
Marie’s Saving Site Coupon Trains
There are 25 coupon trains circulating now. Sign up for one today and receive free coupons in the mail.
Celebrate the Savings with Marie’s Saving Site!
Marie’s Saving Site wishes you:
Many Voices Press “22 year Anniversary”
January 30, 2010
Click to view this email in a browser
IT’S MV’s 22nd ANNIVERSARY!
Yep, twenty-two years ago – in February, 1989 – we sent out the first issue of MANY VOICES. And here we are in 2010…still doing our best to support recovery and public understanding for people recovering from trauma or abuse. It’s been an interesting journey, to say the least. Lots of ups, and a few downs, but overall– it’s been extremely satisfying to receive notes like this:
"Your newsletter has been a candle in the darkness, in moments when I’ve felt so alone with my dissociative disorder…
Artwork by Charles M.
…I’ve used therapists, massage, yoga, and movement therapy. But many times, reading about the courage others have had to fight this disorder has helped me most. …Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your work."–Pat B.
If you would like to thank MV as Pat did, with an extra donation to put us on track for the next 22 years…
Here’s a link!
Charles is a prison inmate who reads MANY VOICES, thanks to our subsidized subscription program.
Read more below about MV’s plans to get more and better information about effective trauma treatment into jails
and prisons.
Please help us pay our printing and mailing bills and provide some subscriptions for needy survivors!
DONATE NOW VIA PAYPAL
LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM MV, TOO!
PLEASE send feedback to me directly. We hope you’ll want to view our future editions, but if not, just unsubscribe at the bottom of this message, and we will follow your request.
JOIN MV FANS ON FACEBOOK HERE
The February issue went into the mail this week!
To all current subscribers–and a few others, too! Sometimes we select random addresses from past subscriber and promotion lists, hoping to entice you to renew or order! To find out if you’re getting a promo issue this time,
write to me.
If you’re not on the promo list, but want to see our Anniversary Issue (main topic: Parenting…but lots of other content too!) ask. We are glad to send a free sample to anyone with a serious interest in receiving MANY VOICES.
More About MV’s Plans for Prison Outreach
It is easy to disregard the plight of prisoners. After all, they’re the BAD people, right? And we, on the outside, are the GOOD people! Out of sight, out of mind… I’ve been guilty of thinking that way, myself. But when you realize that according to Bureau of Justice statistics, state and federal prison authorities had jurisdiction over 1,610,446 prisoners at midyear 2008…and that doesn’t count the people in local jails, or those on parole, who are trying to figure out how to make their way on the "outside" (where the rest of us don’t have it too easy, either…) Well, maybe–for everyone’s benefit–we should be paying attention to what happens to folks while they "serve their debt to society."A 2006 study noted that more than half of state and federal inmates had mental health problems, and of those, one quarter reported past physical or sexual abuse. The ratios for female inmates are higher. Most mental health "treatment" in jails and prisons consists of medication only. MV wants to help change this.
MV wants funding to subsidize subscriptions for prison counselors.In addition to offering discussion topics and outlets for inmate art and writing, MV will also give therapists resources on trauma treatment, the ISST-D, and more. Each counselor with a subscription may make photocopies available to all his/her clients…a very cost-effective way to spread hope and recovery to a community that is desperately underserved. We need your help!
Charles says
"I draw geometric stuff like this for hours, to get out of self. Relaxing!"
If you are a Therapist who works with inmates in the Criminal Justice System at any level, please contact me. I am especially interested in finding professional organizations that emphasize rehabilitation efforts. If you are the family member of someone who is currently incarcerated or was in the past, please let me know. We are trying to find the right channels to begin the process of reaching the people who need us most. THANKS!
ASK FOR A FREE SAMPLE ISSUE OF MV– FOR YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE!
RESEARCH PROJECT
RESEARCH REQUEST for Survivors and Therapists, to Share Experiential Information
I need your help in gathering personal stories describing:
(1) the differing medical/physical aspects of your “alters/parts/selves”(or those of clients) and
(2) your experience of what happens when a shift takes place from an alter with
a particular affliction to an alter without that particular affliction.
Examples may include but are not limited to Allergies, Addictions,
Eyesight, Pain, Medications, Illness etc. Confidentiality Guaranteed.
For more info or to share your experience PLEASE contact Mandy Lynch.
(now integrated 12 years) at my e-mail address lynchlotus@aol.com
MV will also forward your reply to Mandy, if you prefer to reply to LynnW
Surface mail may be sent C/O Many Voices, PO Box 2639, Cincinnati, OH 45201-2639
We will forward mail as requested.
PLAN AHEAD! WRITE OR DRAW FOR US !
Share your insight and creativity on these or other topics:
APRIL 2010: Online Safety. Spotting danger. Making friends. Avoiding cliques and abuse. Social Networking pros and cons. Describe Healthy Boundaries. ARTWORK: Your computer–friend or foe?
Send NOW , & help others heal!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
CHECK OUT OUR NEW FEBRUARY QUESTION at our SHARING SECTION
Jill5by5 wants to know about finding work to do from home. Please read through the whole list of Sharing Questions, and reply to any, no matter when the topic first appeared.
We Love Fresh Updates to PAST QUESTIONS!
At MV, 
we make every effort to be helpful to people
recovering from trauma and abuse, their families and friends.
We also want to assist trauma treatment professionals who guide people
in recovery toward a healthier, happier life. Please help us perform these
tasks well by sending your suggestions and input, pro or con, anytime.
Call me personally at 513-751-8020. I want to hear from you!
Sincerely,
Lynn Wasnak, aka Lynn W., Editor and Executive Director
Many Voices
PO Box 2639
Cincinnati, OH 45201-2639
Click Here To Visit Our Website Online! – Forward this message to a friend
Male Survivor Conference Update!
January 30, 2010
(Wo)Men Speak Out’s Blog
Male Survivor Conference Update!
Posted: 27 Jan 2010 12:14 PM PST
The Male Survivor Conference in New York City is fast approaching and there are some new updates since we last announced our sponsorship of the event.
Mike Lew will be giving a workshop. He’s been a great ally and supporter of our organization. He wrote Victims No Longer, a great resource for male survivors, at a time when there weren’t many books on the market covering male survivorship. Also Richard Gartner, the author of Beyond Betrayal, will be expected for a workshop of his own. I can’t say enough about Betrayal. Well written, practical, and presenting a mastery of the issue of male survivorship.
Check out the Male Survivor lineup for more details. Better yet, save the date and go to the conference! It’s a great opportunity to educate yourself and be inspired by these great advocates and experts in the field. As well as expanding your community of peers to make change happen for survivors everywhere.
Male Survivor Conference 2010
March 18-21, 2010 at
John Jay College / NYC
(wo)men speak out blog
January 30, 2010
Say Something
Chris de Serres | January 28, 2010 at 8:25 pm | Tags: abuse, advocacy, pizza, say something, speak out, trauma | Categories: Christopher de Serres, child abuse | URL: http://wp.me/pyXty-6N
The most common question I get asked after our speaking events is "what can I do?" Or "how can I become an advocate?" There are many ways of answering a question like that. But then it got me thinking while I was having lunch at the local pizza place.
I walked up to the server, took one look at the oil drenched offerings and told him I wanted two of the pepperoni. Now it was clear that the slices had been sitting on the counter for a while. Normally the server takes the slices, puts them in the heater, and passes it along. This time he didn’t. He put the pizza on a plate and passed it to the cashier.
"Excuse me, can you heat those up for me?"
He knew he should have put them in the heater. I knew he should have. But he didn’t. So I had to put my advocate hat on so that I would get what I was about to pay for. That’s essentially what advocacy is. It’s the difference between what is happening and what should be happening. Depending on what the issue is it can be a monumental difference. It could be the difference between life and death.
A survivor of abuse may have handled that scenario a little differently. She may have taken those two slices as is. I mean, if you don’t think that you amount to much or that you are deserving of respect, then why would that change at the pizza counter? We don’t always get the slices we deserve.
You are the person behind her saying, "hey, don’t you think you ought to heat those up for her? You want hot slices right ma’am?"
When it comes down to the fundamentals our job is the same, from the counter to the streets to the courtrooms and on.
When I first began speaking about my abuse I did it for a number of reasons. I only realized after a man once told m that when I spoke he felt like I was speaking for him. I was speaking the words that he had been meaning to say. I felt grateful to hear that my story had this effect on him. You never truly know until people tell you.
It made me think of the second part of the pizza story.
"Thanks, I really wanted them hot, but I didn’t think to say anything."
Advocacy? It’s a snap. All you got to do is say something.
a great piece from the Spiritual Zen
January 29, 2010
Spiritual Zen
Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!
Posted: 28 Jan 2010 04:45 PM PST
Have you told the people in your life how much they mean to you recently? We all know this is important, but do we really take the time to connect with them on an emotional level and tell them how much they mean to us? Some family members may be uncomfortable with heartfelt discussions, but when they’re gone, baby they’re gone.
Shortly after I was born, my father built us a home with his own hands just outside the city where he worked construction. However, deep inside he’d always dreamed of owning and running a farm. I think he liked the idea of working for himself and the freedom it brings. Of his generation, the greatest compliment was “he’s a hard worker,” and that was/is my dad; a hard worker. I think he realized if he worked as hard for himself as he did for “the man,” he was sure to succeed.
Shortly after my fifth birthday, we packed up everything and moved to a farm house ten miles outside a small town in East Central Kansas; the four of us and 80 acres. What I remember most about the house; bitter cold. Winter would often find my older sister and me sleeping in the dining room around the wood burning stove. My mother would heat bricks on the stove, wrap them in towels, and put them in the bottom of our sleeping bags. She was so thrifty; still is.
I have memories of my fathers rear-end in the air with his head submerged under the floor thawing pipes with a blow torch. To this day the smell of a blow torch on copper takes me back to those times… more of the cold house than of my father’s ass. Vice-Grips made nice handles for the bathtub faucet. And when the pipes were frozen, steaming water was brought from the stove-top for our bath. My father fixed the house as much as he could, but time was limited as he continued working a full-time construction job 60 miles away (at minimum) and farmed nights and weekends. Our farm had cattle, chickens, a few pigs, and always a sea of swaying wheat or soybeans just outside our kitchen window.
I realize now what it must have felt like for my father; looking out the kitchen window every day to see his dream right there in front of him. Honestly, I doubt he took the time to enjoy it. I hope he did. We might not have had everything we wanted, but we always had everything we needed. I can’t really remember wanting much. I think there was a correlation between the big dreams of my father and my imagination of all things possible growing up on a farm. One day I was John Wayne riding my sorrel gelding Dollar (Shetland pony) across the range; the next day I was Larry Bird making the winning shot against Magic Johnson (my sister) in Boston Gardens (hay loft). There is never a shortage of things to do growing up on a farm.
Our Farm Auction 1984
Farming was difficult during those times, it was the era of small farmers loosing everything; you either had to go big or go home. After years of blood and sweat, the day came when my father decided it was best to sell the farm and move into town when I was 14. It was odd watching all our stuff going to the lowest bidder. My father said once that selling our new house and moving to that farm was the biggest mistake he ever made. I disagree; and I had a chance to tell him that a few years ago. I’m glad I did, and I think I’ll remind him next time I see him.
It’s a testament to my parents’ love towards my sister and I that made us feel safe and warm; always. Oddly, not until a few years ago when my sister and I were talking about our childhood, did we realize how cold and run down that old farm house was. We laugh now about the cold winters and vice-grip handles. Home really is where the heart is.
When I was around 12 years old I wanted to get a job, my father’s advice; “son, you’re going to be working for the rest of your life, enjoy not having to work as long as you can.” He was right; he recently retired.
Dad if you’re reading this, I hope you take the time to look around and realize anything is possible; that you followed a dream and worked hard and provided well. Today is a gift dad and I love you. Now take a break, you deserve it.
Dad and me running on the beach, Florida 1980
We may not always have the opportunity to tell the ones we love how much they mean to us; it’s important to let them know as often as you can. I’ve had the privilege over the years of learning my fathers love language, and for that I am grateful.
As you share your feelings with those you love, try and be specific. I think this is important. It’s not the definition of a word that gives it meaning, but the heart. Be sincere, specific, and make it count! You never know, it could be the last time you see them.
The Present
Music and Lyrics By: Jared Akers 11/2007
I heard a song the other day
And thoughts of you drift my way
Of times we shared and things you said
And all the things that we never did
We could always pass the time
Talking about the way things used to be
Sometimes we just sat and cried
And let the tragic past float by on the breeze
[CHORUS]
Life Happens when you’re waiting for a change
Sittin’ in the past, searching for blame
Life happens when you don’t know what to say
Did you catch that game, so do you think it’ll rain?
So be careful how you spend it
Today is a Gift, thank God for the present
We talked about mistakes we made
Ones betrayed and dreams that fade
You told me of the one’s you missed
And how we got to a place like this
We could always pass the time
Talking about the way things used to be
Sometimes we just sat and cried
And let the tragic past float by on the breeze
[CHORUS]
I’m not sure how hard I tried
To be with you in the end
So I wrote this song to say goodbye
I won’t make that mistake again
[CHORUS]
photo credit: h.koppdelaney
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well-being expo in chicago
January 23, 2010
Well-Being Expo
DATE: Saturday, Jan 30
TIME: 10am-5pm
LOCATION: Catalyst Ranch, 656 W. Randolph, Chicago
This full-day event aims to provide you with the tools to increase happiness, success and overall wellness for the mind, body and soul. Just in time to start the new year right, the expo will include nationally celebrated speakers:
Stacy Nadeau from Dove’s "Real Women" ad campaign (as seen on Oprah, Today Show, CNN, Ellen, Dr. Phil, Tyra)
Bevin Lynch (Life and Business Coach)
Duong Sheahan (Live Healthier and Happier)
Angela Rose, founder of PAVE (as profiled by CNN, The Today Show, TIME Magazine, The Montel Williams Show, The John Walsh Show, CosmoGirl, Girl’s Life Magazine)
A portion of the proceeds will go to benefit PAVE (Promoting Awareness and Victim Empowerment).
Ticket price includes full day of speakers, lunch provided by Basil Leaf, a fantastic goodie bag worth hundreds and entry to the after-event cocktail hour.
http://thewellbeingexpo.eventbrite.com/
USE DISCOUNT CODE "PAVE" FOR $15 DOLLARS OFF!!
For more info, click here: http://www.TheWellBeingExpo.com
**Look for the Well-Being Expo in NYC, Washington DC, and LA!
more from our Spiritual Zen….
January 23, 2010
simple wisdom for simple living..LadyJ
Spiritual Zen
Pain or Pleasure, What’s Your Payoff?
Posted: 21 Jan 2010 05:18 PM PST
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein
Is there a payoff in everything we do? Whether we experience pain or pleasure, must we always get something in return? The payoff. As people react to our behaviors, we often find ourselves in a position to be hurt. Conversely, we also have the ability to place ourselves in situations that bring great joy.
This is not to say bad or good things do not just happen, but when the results seem to be tied to our behavior, maybe we need to stop and review what our payoff is.
If you find yourself in constant conflict with the world or those around you, stop to see what your payoff is; is it emotional pain or fear? Maybe the payoff (fear or pain) is validation for the feelings of insufficiency you have for yourself. I was stuck in this cycle for years in regards to intimate relationships. No matter how much I liked someone, the relationship would ultimately end; and I would once again be alone. The payoff was validation that I was incapable of being loved unconditionally for who I was. Once I learned to love myself unconditionally, things changed.
It has been my experience that seeking pleasure as the payoff in and of itself, is misguided. At most the pleasure is short lived and thus we spend the majority of our time and effort chasing pleasure.
The less we expect a payoff, the more free we become to experience pleasure in everything we do.
photo credit: lolika pop
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Other Articles That May Interest You
- The Greatest Gift
- If it’s uncomfortable, I should probably be doing it
- Where I’m supposed to be
- Where I’m suppose to be
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