i SEND THESE OUT BECAUSE i REALLY LIKE THIS MAN’S BLOGS SO HERE IS A SAMPLE OF MR. RANDY GAGE

Dear Jacki ,

It’s almost 3 am in Miami, but I finally finished the blog post on
how you can use Twitter to build your brand, grow your database,
and make a lot more sales. I hope you’ve already opened up your
account.

Do me a favor please…
Once you read the post, please tweet or RT it out to your
followers, and send it to Digg, Facebook or any other sites you’re
a member of. If we can get people to see how ridiculous some of
their practices are, it will make Twitter and all these kinds of
sites better resources for all of us.

Let me know what you think!
-RG

HERE IS THAT BLOG BELOW….HAPPY TWEETING EVERYONE

Randy’s Blog
Subscribe to Randy's Blog RSS Feed

Tweet This! A Twitter Manifesto

By Randy Gage
February 27th, 2009

So last December I loaded up the car with books, CDs and ebooks, and went down to spend a week in Key West.  My mission: to discover the truth about Web 2.0 and the exploding social media sites.  In particular, I wanted to know whether they could be used for effective business building.  And if so, which ones of the thousands out there would be the best ones to concentrate your time on.
Since then, I’ve fast become a born-again believer in their potential for business.  While some of them are more geared to mostly social uses, most have broader applications and can be very useful for business and promotion.

If you read “Tribes,” (and if not, what the Hell is the matter with you?), you’ll discover these sites are a perfect way to keep in touch with your fellow tribe members. I think the two biggest breakouts in the space in 2009, and the ones I have mad love for, will be Twitter and Ustream.  I believe they will explode this year similar to the way Facebook did last year, and My Space and YouTube before that.

Twitter is blowing up right now, so let’s look at it first, and we’ll explore the others in future posts.  Twitter is in essence a micro-blog, since your messages are limited to 140 characters.  And instead of dropping by your website or getting a RSS feed, people choose to “follow” you.  So when you log on to Twitter, you get a “stream” of all the postings (called “Tweets”) from the people you follow.

While many see and use Twitter as purely another social medium, I’ve found that a broad and growing range of users there seem to view it more as a business network.  And as a result, they’re much more open to business messages and even marketing appeals, provided you’re bringing real value to the relationship.

In the few months I’ve been Twittering, I’m shocked with how enjoyable it can be, how helpful it is as a business resource, and how readily you can monetize it.  It is this last application – actually making money from your postings there – that most seem to struggle with.  (And some find sacrilegious of course, believing as they do, that Al Gore invented the Internet to provide them with free stuff.)  But since no one would actually hire me for a job, I find the idea of making money a good thing, and found Twitter wildly profitable.

Now I should note that I approach my Twittering the same way I do this Blog, my email newsletters and websites…

I believe in providing value, giving people a reason to view my stuff, and then offer options (coaching programs, seminars, books and other learning resources) where they can spend money if they like my work and want deeper assistance.  So I don’t really make any sales from posting on Twitter directly, but I rake in a lot of dosh because I Twitter.

That’s because I don’t post links to sales letter sites, or do hard pitches, as that’s not really appropriate in the medium, and it’s not effective anyway.  I do often link to my Blogs or newsletters that address topics of interest to my Twitter followers, and they often virally spread the message to others.  My list grows and a lot of those people flash their cash for my other resources.

There are still a few nitwits that feel God put me on this earth expressly to work full-time providing them free advice, coaching and consulting, but far less than you may think.  The vast majority of people, particularly on Twitter, understand that prosperity is a value for value exchange, and understand that while I may be a good guy – Mother Theresa is dead, and I still need to feed my cat.

I believe the effective social media strategies are a move away from interruption marketing and assaulting your market – and a positive move toward simply interacting and being in touch with your market.  If you show them you’re passionate about your work and truly interested in providing value to them, you’ll soon find yourself helping to lead a fiercely loyal tribe.

With this post I’d like to share how you can use Twitter to actually grow your business and avoid the “deadly sins” that alienate people and actually hurt your business and your brand.

So, having said all that, I humbly submit this manifesto, a/k/a the 7 deadly sins of Twitter, a/k/a me ranting again, a/k/a:

The 7 Twitter Critters you don’t want to be…

1) The TMI Guy

Information is valuable and we all got on Twitter to get more of it.  But there is such a thing as too much information.  The TMI guy (or gal) suffers from the delusion that their life is interesting, and Tweets a steady stream of inane blather from rising until they mercifully log off and go to bed. The typical stream from someone in this category looks like this:

@VacuousTwit  going to the mall, 2 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  I so need a manicure, 4 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  my cat just spit up a hairball yuck! 7 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  anyone see Buffy last night? 10 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  pink t-shirt or blue one, decisions! 12 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  No tweets from Melissa, bummer, 14 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  Coco Puffs, yum!, 16 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  BRB, gotta poop, 19 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  just got up, brushing my teeth, 20 minutes ago

The TMI Twitterer believes we’re all fascinated to learn that the mail arrived, what they had for lunch, or that they need to buy maxi pads.   We’re not.  In fact, we really don’t give a shit.

Not even your mother wants to hear a minute-by-minute broadcast of your day.  Your life is just not that interesting.  This is the online equivalent of the Valley Girl.

Please note if you are @lancearmstrong, @THE_REAL_SHAQ, or @MCHammer, you get an exemption.  Because we’re fanatically obsessed with celebrity, we want to know all the minutia about every thing that ever happens to and around you, including when you cut your toenails.  Sorry @PerryBelcher, you haven’t reached this status yet.  But we love ya anyway.

If you’re in doubt as to how well the scintillating play-by-play accounts of your bunion surgery, parking tickets, and bowel movements are playing in Peoria, surf over to TwitterGrader and see how you score.  If your score isn’t as high as you like, you may want to trade in your bunions for spinal meningitis.

You can also stop by TwitterSheep and they will run a cloud of the most used terms in your followers’ bios, and that can give you an idea what they’re most interested to hear about.

BTW, don’t think that just because you have a lot of followers, they’re hanging on to every scintillating word you say.  Many power users use applications like SocialToo to auto-follow everyone that follows them, but then also use TweetDeck to screen out the trailer trash.  So just because someone is following you doesn’t mean they’re actually reading your crap.

Probably the best gauge of this is how many times you get “ReTweeted,” which simply means someone actually read what you wrote, liked it, and resent it to their own followers.  Stop by Retweetist and see how often the Twitterverse is shopping your stuff around.

By the way, this doesn’t mean it has to be all clinical and business.  We really do want to know the great book you’re reading, if you’re a diehard Battlestar Gallactica fan, or your mother passed away.  We want to know who you are and what makes you tick.  Just not everything.

2) The Plagiarizer Twit

This person follows everybody, looking for good content that they plagiarize by re-sending it out as if it’s their own.  It’s not a copyright issue, just bad form and a quick way to piss off people.  The proper form is to ReTweet the stuff you like, and it’s very simple to do.

Just type in RT, put a space, their name with the @ in front of it, another space, then cut and paste their message.  So it looks like:

RT @Randy_Gage: Building credibility online & blogging: http://is.gd/30Di

Make sure there is a space after RT and after their name, before the message starts.  And don’t forget the ‘@’ in front of their name, because that makes it a link to their page.

Once you start ReTweeting others, they often notice and return the favor.  This gets your message and page in front of hundreds or even thousands of other readers, some who may decide to follow you.  And ReTweeting good stuff also shows your own followers that you’re interested in providing value, not just hawking your miracle thigh cream.  It also means you’re a good person and will receive your just reward in the afterlife.

3) The Reply Guy

The symptom of this malady is the inability to send a private direct message (DM) to anyone.  Instead, these people post every reply in their tweet stream.  It comes from childhood, when mommy dearest locked them in the closet with nothing but DMs.  So your stream is cluttered with dozens of messages from them like:

@ReplyGuy @Nancy  no, I don’t think so
@ReplyGuy @BoringDude  yes, after the game
@ReplyGuy @Nancy  ok
@ReplyGuy @Lou_Stoolz  I think so
@ReplyGuy @Nancy  bye
@ReplyGuy @DenverDanny   only if he can do it for less than $20
@ReplyGuy @Hugh_Jazz   OMG!
@ReplyGuy @A1Escort   is she discrete?

Twitter is not a chat room.  They have places for that.  They’re called “chat rooms.”  If you’re going to post all replies in the stream, please answer with some context so readers can decide if they want to click through to the other person’s page to follow the plot.

4) The Multi-Level Morons

These idiots seem to be rapidly migrating from Facebook over to Twitter faster than @guykawasaki can toss out plugs for Alltop.  They set up an account and think sending their pitch out every three hours is going to build a group.  They’re like a combination Jehovah Witness/Amway distributor on crack.  When you land on their page, it looks like this:

@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 3 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 5 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 7 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 9 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 11 hours ago

If you’re doing this, I promise you that the only people reading your tweets are already in your group, and they’re drinking the jungle juice already.

5) The Novelist

Listen kids, this is not rocket science.  There are only 140 characters for your tweets.  When you’re typing a tweet, the nice folks from Twitterland have even given you a counter.  When it says -7, that means you went over and the last half of the link you’re sending out will be cut off.  That makes you look dumb, and even worse, irritates me.  Use Is.Gd or another service that shortens URLs and watch the character counter.

Your brilliant branding strategy to use the handle @World’s_Mostest_Greatest_Copywriter_Ever may not be as clever as you originally thought.  It’s going to limit what you can say, and will eliminate the likelihood that anyone can ReTweet you.

Likewise if you didn’t have enough sense to be born into a family with a short surname, be creative. There’s a reason Gary Vaynerchuk is @GaryVee.  (Of course he’s a JETS fan, so don’t give him too much credit.)  So instead of 140, limit yourself to 120.  It’s the new black.

6) The Anonymous Stranger

I can’t count how many times I get a follow and click through to their page to see if I should be following back and get nothing.  No picture, no bio, not even the city they live in.  Now if you just have the account to be in touch with a few friends and look for interesting stuff that’s fine.  But if you are hoping to use social media to build your brand, expand your reach, or God forbid, actually make money, give us something to go on.

Put a pic on your page for God’s sake!  If we go to your page and there’s only the Twitter graphic and no pic, it’s like a billboard that says, “Hi I’m Amish and I’m checking out this computer fad to see if it’s gonna last.”  Even 97-year-old mammies are emailing pix of their great-grandkids.  If you don’t know how to load a photo yet, ask someone.

Make it a real photo of you, not your dog, cat, or llama.  Please make it a current one also, and save your high school yearbook pic for the dating sites.  We want to know who we’re conversing with.  Likewise with caricatures or icons.  Use them only if they really are an essential part of your branding.

List where you live.  There are people that look to network with others in their town and some places are actually holding Tweet Ups where Twitterers in an area meet.  And TwitterGrader lists the “royalty” in each town, and if you show up on that list you’ll attract more followers.

This is not Linkedin, or Plaxo.  Keep with the friendly attitude of the site.  Occupations like “Father of twins, Krispy Kreme addict, software developer and surfer” are okay here.    “Engineer” is just boring and we’re afraid you might be Wally from Dilbert’s office.

Do give us an idea of what you do, and why we might want to network with you.  That doesn’t mean bludgeon us with a sales pitch.  Just let us know how you might bring some value to us.

Your bio and your tweets should reflect who you are.  Ideally they will anchor your brand in topic and tone.  People should be able to take a look at your bio and the first page of your tweets and know what to expect if they follow you.

If you look at my page, you’ll see it mirrors what I do and who I really am.  My posts are about success and prosperity, with a large dose of marketing.  Just like me, they’re informative, sometimes snarky, direct, controversial, contain an occasional F-bomb, but always brilliant.  And humble.

P.S.   And what’s with all the “protected updates”?  If you’re in the witness protection program, you probably shouldn’t be on Twitter.

7) The Needy Beggars

Listen if you get your self-esteem from how many Facebook friends or Twitter followers you have, you have some unresolved childhood issues and need to call Dr. Phil.

We don’t want to get your tweets begging for more followers because when you get 200 you can go to bed, or crying because you woke up to discover there are two less people following you.  And if you have to award prizes or give bribes to get people to follow you, what’s the point?

The people that respond to these pleas are the same ones that opt in to receive Spam emails.  They’re looking for someone to talk to in the commercial break between Judge Judy and the Jerry Springer show.  The whole idea is to create a group of people with commonalities and shared interests, so you can network and mastermind for mutual benefit, not accumulate a following of mindless boobs.

The same rules that govern direct mail lists, and email databases are in effect here.   I guarantee you I make a lot more money from hundreds of followers on Twitter than a lot of the people with tens of thousands.  The secret in any direct marketing list is having the right people on it.  So don’t worry about quantity, do things that attract people that have an interest in what you do.

And no kids, mccaffrey didn’t have an interesting idea on how you can attract 19,530 followers in 30 days.  He had an irritating idea to try a chain letter on Twitter.  And the last time that worked was never.

Somebody let me catch my breath…

So all told, Twitter is a great medium to connect, network and grow your business.  If you’re not on Twitter yet, jump in today.  It takes about two minutes to set up your account and you’re good to go.  Go to: https://twitter.com/

And if you’re not following me on Twitter, what are you a Godless communist or something?  Do it now.  I need the money.  https://twitter.com/Randy_Gage

Peace out.

-RG

P.S.  If I missed any, or you just want to tell me how dope I am, there’s a comment box below.  And if you found this helpful, please tweet this blog, so we can fight the forces of evil, save Gotham City, & have joy, fun and seasons in the sun.  Just click the cute little Twitter ‘T’ below.  Or if you’re a Digger, Facebooker, or one of those other pretty buttons down below, hook me up, dog.  Did I mention I need the money?

 

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i SEND THESE OUT BECAUSE i REALLY LIKE THIS MAN’S BLOGS SO HERE IS A SAMPLE OF MR. RANDY GAGE

Dear Jacki ,

It’s almost 3 am in Miami, but I finally finished the blog post on
how you can use Twitter to build your brand, grow your database,
and make a lot more sales. I hope you’ve already opened up your
account.

Do me a favor please…
Once you read the post, please tweet or RT it out to your
followers, and send it to Digg, Facebook or any other sites you’re
a member of. If we can get people to see how ridiculous some of
their practices are, it will make Twitter and all these kinds of
sites better resources for all of us.

Let me know what you think!
-RG

HERE IS THAT BLOG BELOW….HAPPY TWEETING EVERYONE

Randy’s Blog
Subscribe to Randy's Blog RSS Feed

Tweet This! A Twitter Manifesto

By Randy Gage
February 27th, 2009

So last December I loaded up the car with books, CDs and ebooks, and went down to spend a week in Key West.  My mission: to discover the truth about Web 2.0 and the exploding social media sites.  In particular, I wanted to know whether they could be used for effective business building.  And if so, which ones of the thousands out there would be the best ones to concentrate your time on.
Since then, I’ve fast become a born-again believer in their potential for business.  While some of them are more geared to mostly social uses, most have broader applications and can be very useful for business and promotion.

If you read “Tribes,” (and if not, what the Hell is the matter with you?), you’ll discover these sites are a perfect way to keep in touch with your fellow tribe members. I think the two biggest breakouts in the space in 2009, and the ones I have mad love for, will be Twitter and Ustream.  I believe they will explode this year similar to the way Facebook did last year, and My Space and YouTube before that.

Twitter is blowing up right now, so let’s look at it first, and we’ll explore the others in future posts.  Twitter is in essence a micro-blog, since your messages are limited to 140 characters.  And instead of dropping by your website or getting a RSS feed, people choose to “follow” you.  So when you log on to Twitter, you get a “stream” of all the postings (called “Tweets”) from the people you follow.

While many see and use Twitter as purely another social medium, I’ve found that a broad and growing range of users there seem to view it more as a business network.  And as a result, they’re much more open to business messages and even marketing appeals, provided you’re bringing real value to the relationship.

In the few months I’ve been Twittering, I’m shocked with how enjoyable it can be, how helpful it is as a business resource, and how readily you can monetize it.  It is this last application – actually making money from your postings there – that most seem to struggle with.  (And some find sacrilegious of course, believing as they do, that Al Gore invented the Internet to provide them with free stuff.)  But since no one would actually hire me for a job, I find the idea of making money a good thing, and found Twitter wildly profitable.

Now I should note that I approach my Twittering the same way I do this Blog, my email newsletters and websites…

I believe in providing value, giving people a reason to view my stuff, and then offer options (coaching programs, seminars, books and other learning resources) where they can spend money if they like my work and want deeper assistance.  So I don’t really make any sales from posting on Twitter directly, but I rake in a lot of dosh because I Twitter.

That’s because I don’t post links to sales letter sites, or do hard pitches, as that’s not really appropriate in the medium, and it’s not effective anyway.  I do often link to my Blogs or newsletters that address topics of interest to my Twitter followers, and they often virally spread the message to others.  My list grows and a lot of those people flash their cash for my other resources.

There are still a few nitwits that feel God put me on this earth expressly to work full-time providing them free advice, coaching and consulting, but far less than you may think.  The vast majority of people, particularly on Twitter, understand that prosperity is a value for value exchange, and understand that while I may be a good guy – Mother Theresa is dead, and I still need to feed my cat.

I believe the effective social media strategies are a move away from interruption marketing and assaulting your market – and a positive move toward simply interacting and being in touch with your market.  If you show them you’re passionate about your work and truly interested in providing value to them, you’ll soon find yourself helping to lead a fiercely loyal tribe.

With this post I’d like to share how you can use Twitter to actually grow your business and avoid the “deadly sins” that alienate people and actually hurt your business and your brand.

So, having said all that, I humbly submit this manifesto, a/k/a the 7 deadly sins of Twitter, a/k/a me ranting again, a/k/a:

The 7 Twitter Critters you don’t want to be…

1) The TMI Guy

Information is valuable and we all got on Twitter to get more of it.  But there is such a thing as too much information.  The TMI guy (or gal) suffers from the delusion that their life is interesting, and Tweets a steady stream of inane blather from rising until they mercifully log off and go to bed. The typical stream from someone in this category looks like this:

@VacuousTwit  going to the mall, 2 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  I so need a manicure, 4 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  my cat just spit up a hairball yuck! 7 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  anyone see Buffy last night? 10 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  pink t-shirt or blue one, decisions! 12 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  No tweets from Melissa, bummer, 14 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  Coco Puffs, yum!, 16 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  BRB, gotta poop, 19 minutes ago
@VacuousTwit  just got up, brushing my teeth, 20 minutes ago

The TMI Twitterer believes we’re all fascinated to learn that the mail arrived, what they had for lunch, or that they need to buy maxi pads.   We’re not.  In fact, we really don’t give a shit.

Not even your mother wants to hear a minute-by-minute broadcast of your day.  Your life is just not that interesting.  This is the online equivalent of the Valley Girl.

Please note if you are @lancearmstrong, @THE_REAL_SHAQ, or @MCHammer, you get an exemption.  Because we’re fanatically obsessed with celebrity, we want to know all the minutia about every thing that ever happens to and around you, including when you cut your toenails.  Sorry @PerryBelcher, you haven’t reached this status yet.  But we love ya anyway.

If you’re in doubt as to how well the scintillating play-by-play accounts of your bunion surgery, parking tickets, and bowel movements are playing in Peoria, surf over to TwitterGrader and see how you score.  If your score isn’t as high as you like, you may want to trade in your bunions for spinal meningitis.

You can also stop by TwitterSheep and they will run a cloud of the most used terms in your followers’ bios, and that can give you an idea what they’re most interested to hear about.

BTW, don’t think that just because you have a lot of followers, they’re hanging on to every scintillating word you say.  Many power users use applications like SocialToo to auto-follow everyone that follows them, but then also use TweetDeck to screen out the trailer trash.  So just because someone is following you doesn’t mean they’re actually reading your crap.

Probably the best gauge of this is how many times you get “ReTweeted,” which simply means someone actually read what you wrote, liked it, and resent it to their own followers.  Stop by Retweetist and see how often the Twitterverse is shopping your stuff around.

By the way, this doesn’t mean it has to be all clinical and business.  We really do want to know the great book you’re reading, if you’re a diehard Battlestar Gallactica fan, or your mother passed away.  We want to know who you are and what makes you tick.  Just not everything.

2) The Plagiarizer Twit

This person follows everybody, looking for good content that they plagiarize by re-sending it out as if it’s their own.  It’s not a copyright issue, just bad form and a quick way to piss off people.  The proper form is to ReTweet the stuff you like, and it’s very simple to do.

Just type in RT, put a space, their name with the @ in front of it, another space, then cut and paste their message.  So it looks like:

RT @Randy_Gage: Building credibility online & blogging: http://is.gd/30Di

Make sure there is a space after RT and after their name, before the message starts.  And don’t forget the ‘@’ in front of their name, because that makes it a link to their page.

Once you start ReTweeting others, they often notice and return the favor.  This gets your message and page in front of hundreds or even thousands of other readers, some who may decide to follow you.  And ReTweeting good stuff also shows your own followers that you’re interested in providing value, not just hawking your miracle thigh cream.  It also means you’re a good person and will receive your just reward in the afterlife.

3) The Reply Guy

The symptom of this malady is the inability to send a private direct message (DM) to anyone.  Instead, these people post every reply in their tweet stream.  It comes from childhood, when mommy dearest locked them in the closet with nothing but DMs.  So your stream is cluttered with dozens of messages from them like:

@ReplyGuy @Nancy  no, I don’t think so
@ReplyGuy @BoringDude  yes, after the game
@ReplyGuy @Nancy  ok
@ReplyGuy @Lou_Stoolz  I think so
@ReplyGuy @Nancy  bye
@ReplyGuy @DenverDanny   only if he can do it for less than $20
@ReplyGuy @Hugh_Jazz   OMG!
@ReplyGuy @A1Escort   is she discrete?

Twitter is not a chat room.  They have places for that.  They’re called “chat rooms.”  If you’re going to post all replies in the stream, please answer with some context so readers can decide if they want to click through to the other person’s page to follow the plot.

4) The Multi-Level Morons

These idiots seem to be rapidly migrating from Facebook over to Twitter faster than @guykawasaki can toss out plugs for Alltop.  They set up an account and think sending their pitch out every three hours is going to build a group.  They’re like a combination Jehovah Witness/Amway distributor on crack.  When you land on their page, it looks like this:

@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 3 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 5 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 7 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 9 hours ago
@MLMoron  Amazing jungle juice from berries grown on secret mountain makes limbs grow back, 11 hours ago

If you’re doing this, I promise you that the only people reading your tweets are already in your group, and they’re drinking the jungle juice already.

5) The Novelist

Listen kids, this is not rocket science.  There are only 140 characters for your tweets.  When you’re typing a tweet, the nice folks from Twitterland have even given you a counter.  When it says -7, that means you went over and the last half of the link you’re sending out will be cut off.  That makes you look dumb, and even worse, irritates me.  Use Is.Gd or another service that shortens URLs and watch the character counter.

Your brilliant branding strategy to use the handle @World’s_Mostest_Greatest_Copywriter_Ever may not be as clever as you originally thought.  It’s going to limit what you can say, and will eliminate the likelihood that anyone can ReTweet you.

Likewise if you didn’t have enough sense to be born into a family with a short surname, be creative. There’s a reason Gary Vaynerchuk is @GaryVee.  (Of course he’s a JETS fan, so don’t give him too much credit.)  So instead of 140, limit yourself to 120.  It’s the new black.

6) The Anonymous Stranger

I can’t count how many times I get a follow and click through to their page to see if I should be following back and get nothing.  No picture, no bio, not even the city they live in.  Now if you just have the account to be in touch with a few friends and look for interesting stuff that’s fine.  But if you are hoping to use social media to build your brand, expand your reach, or God forbid, actually make money, give us something to go on.

Put a pic on your page for God’s sake!  If we go to your page and there’s only the Twitter graphic and no pic, it’s like a billboard that says, “Hi I’m Amish and I’m checking out this computer fad to see if it’s gonna last.”  Even 97-year-old mammies are emailing pix of their great-grandkids.  If you don’t know how to load a photo yet, ask someone.

Make it a real photo of you, not your dog, cat, or llama.  Please make it a current one also, and save your high school yearbook pic for the dating sites.  We want to know who we’re conversing with.  Likewise with caricatures or icons.  Use them only if they really are an essential part of your branding.

List where you live.  There are people that look to network with others in their town and some places are actually holding Tweet Ups where Twitterers in an area meet.  And TwitterGrader lists the “royalty” in each town, and if you show up on that list you’ll attract more followers.

This is not Linkedin, or Plaxo.  Keep with the friendly attitude of the site.  Occupations like “Father of twins, Krispy Kreme addict, software developer and surfer” are okay here.    “Engineer” is just boring and we’re afraid you might be Wally from Dilbert’s office.

Do give us an idea of what you do, and why we might want to network with you.  That doesn’t mean bludgeon us with a sales pitch.  Just let us know how you might bring some value to us.

Your bio and your tweets should reflect who you are.  Ideally they will anchor your brand in topic and tone.  People should be able to take a look at your bio and the first page of your tweets and know what to expect if they follow you.

If you look at my page, you’ll see it mirrors what I do and who I really am.  My posts are about success and prosperity, with a large dose of marketing.  Just like me, they’re informative, sometimes snarky, direct, controversial, contain an occasional F-bomb, but always brilliant.  And humble.

P.S.   And what’s with all the “protected updates”?  If you’re in the witness protection program, you probably shouldn’t be on Twitter.

7) The Needy Beggars

Listen if you get your self-esteem from how many Facebook friends or Twitter followers you have, you have some unresolved childhood issues and need to call Dr. Phil.

We don’t want to get your tweets begging for more followers because when you get 200 you can go to bed, or crying because you woke up to discover there are two less people following you.  And if you have to award prizes or give bribes to get people to follow you, what’s the point?

The people that respond to these pleas are the same ones that opt in to receive Spam emails.  They’re looking for someone to talk to in the commercial break between Judge Judy and the Jerry Springer show.  The whole idea is to create a group of people with commonalities and shared interests, so you can network and mastermind for mutual benefit, not accumulate a following of mindless boobs.

The same rules that govern direct mail lists, and email databases are in effect here.   I guarantee you I make a lot more money from hundreds of followers on Twitter than a lot of the people with tens of thousands.  The secret in any direct marketing list is having the right people on it.  So don’t worry about quantity, do things that attract people that have an interest in what you do.

And no kids, mccaffrey didn’t have an interesting idea on how you can attract 19,530 followers in 30 days.  He had an irritating idea to try a chain letter on Twitter.  And the last time that worked was never.

Somebody let me catch my breath…

So all told, Twitter is a great medium to connect, network and grow your business.  If you’re not on Twitter yet, jump in today.  It takes about two minutes to set up your account and you’re good to go.  Go to: https://twitter.com/

And if you’re not following me on Twitter, what are you a Godless communist or something?  Do it now.  I need the money.  https://twitter.com/Randy_Gage

Peace out.

-RG

P.S.  If I missed any, or you just want to tell me how dope I am, there’s a comment box below.  And if you found this helpful, please tweet this blog, so we can fight the forces of evil, save Gotham City, & have joy, fun and seasons in the sun.  Just click the cute little Twitter ‘T’ below.  Or if you’re a Digger, Facebooker, or one of those other pretty buttons down below, hook me up, dog.  Did I mention I need the money?

 

4Rchildrensfutures promoting:

Banner8

Another day of searching

February 26, 2009

ladydragonblue HERE is the beginning of the awakening we search for. It is very hard for so many to believe that we all have to begin over many times in our lives. And sometimes it’s very hard to find that one thing that makes it all happen. (Again)

A person said something to me the other day that started the drawing. As a Double Leo, born on the first, in the year of the Dragon, it is not often that I even have to ask for help. Perhaps it’s not help I need as much as motivation as I look for the light out side.

As many will tell you and I needed to write to find my own answer to that. The light is still inside of me, I’m just not able to find it or it’s source. So I have been blessed with a few people to enter into my life that I can hear say the things I can’t reach behind that plexi glass wall that is my world inside.

One first says "just do it" in answer to the direction I see my work going in. Yet finding or deciding which "#1" item will be the new beginnings. Because I know that the beginning comes before the Awakening. One in response to my question said "find like minded people" and that is almost a great idea, yet I am not sure that I want ‘like minded’ people that they referred to into my life again. I haven’t learned yet to allow myself to just receive and restore.

My mind always before it starts is already thinking of those who can benefit from what ever it is I am about to receive. Thus my need to fill or patch some how the sive of a mind/body/soul I am. That is at least the thoughts that come to me at this moment.

The caution given to me from a reader as I called in to her was to be careful of being Pretentious, as Leo’s appear many times. The lion from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind for me. Though I have much courage in my life there are times that I just want to be the meekest amongst the forest and have someone shelter me.

Knowing I can do and will do when I am ready to makes it very hard for others to look upon me with the same gentle nature they do the timid rabbit. Watch and share our new awakenings.

Lady Jtalks

Another day of searching

February 26, 2009

ladydragonblue HERE is the beginning of the awakening we search for. It is very hard for so many to believe that we all have to begin over many times in our lives. And sometimes it’s very hard to find that one thing that makes it all happen. (Again)

A person said something to me the other day that started the drawing. As a Double Leo, born on the first, in the year of the Dragon, it is not often that I even have to ask for help. Perhaps it’s not help I need as much as motivation as I look for the light out side.

As many will tell you and I needed to write to find my own answer to that. The light is still inside of me, I’m just not able to find it or it’s source. So I have been blessed with a few people to enter into my life that I can hear say the things I can’t reach behind that plexi glass wall that is my world inside.

One first says "just do it" in answer to the direction I see my work going in. Yet finding or deciding which "#1" item will be the new beginnings. Because I know that the beginning comes before the Awakening. One in response to my question said "find like minded people" and that is almost a great idea, yet I am not sure that I want ‘like minded’ people that they referred to into my life again. I haven’t learned yet to allow myself to just receive and restore.

My mind always before it starts is already thinking of those who can benefit from what ever it is I am about to receive. Thus my need to fill or patch some how the sive of a mind/body/soul I am. That is at least the thoughts that come to me at this moment.

The caution given to me from a reader as I called in to her was to be careful of being Pretentious, as Leo’s appear many times. The lion from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind for me. Though I have much courage in my life there are times that I just want to be the meekest amongst the forest and have someone shelter me.

Knowing I can do and will do when I am ready to makes it very hard for others to look upon me with the same gentle nature they do the timid rabbit. Watch and share our new awakenings.

Lady Jtalks

 

I love being able to bring these to you as they roll across my desk….Please visit and help bring their voices to others you know could use them.  If you forward the blogs to others it may help someone that you don’t even know is still in the darkness looking for a little light today.  Lady J 4Rchildrensfutures

 

Hi Folks, 2/23/09

A little late with this month’s sharing….I meant to send this back in January, but I’ve been busy, which is always a good thing. Better to complain about being busy, than the opposite of that. I’ve been writing a lot, and the pathways and doors opened up when one is writing a book about your life, well…it certainly can bring on many new challenges.

Quite excited and honored to now be a part of the RAINN Speakers Bureau:

www.rainn.orgRAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization.
One of “America’s 100 Best Charities" —Worth magazine

And speaking of writing, I’ve been asked to contribute to a book being published in the near future. It will contain the stories of survivors of childhood sexual abuse – quite honored to be a part of this worthy endeavor. More info to follow…

While still in the what’s new with me department – I was recently interviewed for an article to appear in New Hampshire Magazine – www.nhmagazine.com that talks about my music, healing, and advocacy efforts. What made this really special was the fact that Sara Lenoe, a friend of mine helped make this possible. It should appear in either the April or May issue, I’ll let you know.

And finally, one of the things I like doing the most, sharing some great resources with everyone. Please take some time to visit these organizations and the individual websites – some great advocacy and awareness efforts going on. There are lots of us out there doing some great works, but we’ll do even more by networking and collaborating with one another.

Take care, Mike

www.mskinnermusic.com – Hope, Healing, & Help for Trauma, Abuse, & Mental Health through music, resources, & advocacy

www.youtube.com/mcstrain – live performance of "Brush Away Your Tears" from TV show interview

www.michaelskinner.net – New site for public speaking & music presentation on healing for trauma, abuse, & mental health.

PAVE – www.pavingtheway.netShatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! Angela Rose is doing some great work; her You Tube video is also posted from my You Tube link.

Male Sexual Abuse Victims
of Female Perpetrators:
Society’s Betrayal of Boys

by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist,

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_mother_son_sexual_abuse.html

Well…the title says it all……

3] Vivian Farmery has a site for both kids and adults – please check it out!!

JUST TELL was created to educate and empower children and adults around the issue of childhood sexual abuse. : www.JustTell.org

4] Helping to Perish an Abused Child’s Nightmare…" – SANDRA, the Founder & President takes the pain and sorrow of her child’s sexual abuse to help others.

www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

5] My friend Rick has created this website:

www.innocencedeclared.org – I am Speaking Out…

I have created this site to declare my innocence, honor the heroic struggle of my childhood, and continue my healing journey. 

Others seeking to further their own healing by declaring their innocence are welcome to submit their stories.

6] http://www.youthvoiceinitiative.org/

Lika Saliscente, the founder of the Youth Voice Initiative is involved with legislation to help end child sex abuse on and off line. Please find out more at her site.

 

 

4Rchildrensfutures fund:

http://tinyurl.com/never4get1password

This is my best tool bar ad on I’ve ever found. I have 150 sites in my affiliate program and this makes my job so much easier.

 

http://tinyurl.com/4genius2happen

The question is:

" When you think, do you MAKE the thoughts you’re thinking?"

………..

………..

Confused? Weird question huh? Let me ask you again then…………

Do you MAKE the thoughts you think?

…………

………..

Aha. The answer is actually NO.

You ever MAKE the thoughts YOU think

Instead, you actually RECEIVE the thoughts!

 

I love being able to bring these to you as they roll across my desk….Please visit and help bring their voices to others you know could use them.  If you forward the blogs to others it may help someone that you don’t even know is still in the darkness looking for a little light today.  Lady J 4Rchildrensfutures

 

Hi Folks, 2/23/09

A little late with this month’s sharing….I meant to send this back in January, but I’ve been busy, which is always a good thing. Better to complain about being busy, than the opposite of that. I’ve been writing a lot, and the pathways and doors opened up when one is writing a book about your life, well…it certainly can bring on many new challenges.

Quite excited and honored to now be a part of the RAINN Speakers Bureau:

www.rainn.orgRAINN: The nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization.
One of “America’s 100 Best Charities" —Worth magazine

And speaking of writing, I’ve been asked to contribute to a book being published in the near future. It will contain the stories of survivors of childhood sexual abuse – quite honored to be a part of this worthy endeavor. More info to follow…

While still in the what’s new with me department – I was recently interviewed for an article to appear in New Hampshire Magazine – www.nhmagazine.com that talks about my music, healing, and advocacy efforts. What made this really special was the fact that Sara Lenoe, a friend of mine helped make this possible. It should appear in either the April or May issue, I’ll let you know.

And finally, one of the things I like doing the most, sharing some great resources with everyone. Please take some time to visit these organizations and the individual websites – some great advocacy and awareness efforts going on. There are lots of us out there doing some great works, but we’ll do even more by networking and collaborating with one another.

Take care, Mike

www.mskinnermusic.com – Hope, Healing, & Help for Trauma, Abuse, & Mental Health through music, resources, & advocacy

www.youtube.com/mcstrain – live performance of "Brush Away Your Tears" from TV show interview

www.michaelskinner.net – New site for public speaking & music presentation on healing for trauma, abuse, & mental health.

PAVE – www.pavingtheway.netShatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! Angela Rose is doing some great work; her You Tube video is also posted from my You Tube link.

Male Sexual Abuse Victims
of Female Perpetrators:
Society’s Betrayal of Boys

by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist,

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_mother_son_sexual_abuse.html

Well…the title says it all……

3] Vivian Farmery has a site for both kids and adults – please check it out!!

JUST TELL was created to educate and empower children and adults around the issue of childhood sexual abuse. : www.JustTell.org

4] Helping to Perish an Abused Child’s Nightmare…" – SANDRA, the Founder & President takes the pain and sorrow of her child’s sexual abuse to help others.

www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com

5] My friend Rick has created this website:

www.innocencedeclared.org – I am Speaking Out…

I have created this site to declare my innocence, honor the heroic struggle of my childhood, and continue my healing journey. 

Others seeking to further their own healing by declaring their innocence are welcome to submit their stories.

6] http://www.youthvoiceinitiative.org/

Lika Saliscente, the founder of the Youth Voice Initiative is involved with legislation to help end child sex abuse on and off line. Please find out more at her site.

 

 

4Rchildrensfutures fund:

http://tinyurl.com/never4get1password

This is my best tool bar ad on I’ve ever found. I have 150 sites in my affiliate program and this makes my job so much easier.

 

http://tinyurl.com/4genius2happen

The question is:

" When you think, do you MAKE the thoughts you’re thinking?"

………..

………..

Confused? Weird question huh? Let me ask you again then…………

Do you MAKE the thoughts you think?

…………

………..

Aha. The answer is actually NO.

You ever MAKE the thoughts YOU think

Instead, you actually RECEIVE the thoughts!

Beyond the Tears

February 22, 2009

Beyond the Tears

 
or get one at Amazonx
 
Lynn Tolson

 

Author Contact         lynn.tolson@gmail.com 

Author Website        HUbeyondthetearsU

 

Media Contact:

Authorhouse

Sarah Williamson, Promotions Assistant
1663 Liberty Drive Suite 200
Bloomington, IN 47403
HUswilliamson@authorhouse.comU

 

A CHAOTIC LIFE TO THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
Book Tells Story of Tumultuous Life, Suicide Attempt, & Successful Therapy

COLORADO: Following a lifetime of pain, a troubled 25-year-old woman attempts suicide. She seeks counseling afterward, revealing the secrets that have plagued her for years. Therapy helps her to begin healing. In her new memoir, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, Lynn C. Tolson tells her story of a chaotic life in an effort to help others who have gone through the same ordeals begin to heal.

During therapy sessions, the young woman tells her story through flashbacks. Her parents divorce when she is 5 and her mother immediately remarries. Her step-father is tormented by growing up in war-torn England and being in the Korean War. Her step-mother gives birth to a Down syndrome child. Later, her brother molests her and their mother enters a psychiatric hospital.

Tolson’s adolescence includes alternate bouts of withdrawal and rebellion, wrapping her up in the culture of the 1960’s. Her schizophrenic father commits suicide shortly after she enters college. She unwittingly continues the chaos by marrying an older, abusive man. Her own suicide attempt prompts her to seek therapy, opening the doors to love and the value of life. Through her story, Tolson hopes to convey to readers that they are not alone.

This work of creative non-fiction reads like a novel instead of a typical self-help book. It fulfills a need for real stories of recovery. By telling her story, Tolson hopes to encourage readers to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing.

Tolson moved to the Southwest after eighteen years in the Northeast. Her working days in retail, real estate, and property management left her unfulfilled. When she began writing in her journal, her real life began. She worked through her experiences with abuse, addiction, and suicide. She left her corporate job to move to the Midwest, write this book, and she returned to college for a degree in social work. She lives in the Rocky Mountain region.

lynn tolson

TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide

 

As a victim advocate, I have established the Project for TEARS. My presentations

  • comfort victims by sharing my story
  • confront violence by breaking the silence
  • change society via information and action

Bachelor’s of Social Work:
Missouri Western State University

EVAW End Violence Against Women:
Sexual Assault Training

CASA Court Appointed Special Advocate:
Volunteer Training

CO Springs Coalition Against Sexual Assault: Committee Member

COPS CO Regional Community Policing Institute: Dynamics of DV

T.E.S.S.A. Center for Prevention of Domestic Violence: Advocate

D.V.E.R.T. DV Emergency Response Team:
Advisory Panel

 
 
Please follow and help support the many who suit up each day and stay out here to shine the light of hope on a dark and weary road that we came from ourselves.  LadyJtalks
 

 
ManyVoicesPress         Dr Lin Morel             
Mike Skinner             BeyondtheTears           
 
Healing & Creativity    Traumastised         
 Gift from Within         Paving the Way PAVE           Support sites & Hospitals 
 
Herschel Walker             Our friends Books   
 Tom Parella music       
 

Beyond the Tears

February 22, 2009

Beyond the Tears

 
or get one at Amazonx
 
Lynn Tolson

 

Author Contact         lynn.tolson@gmail.com 

Author Website        HUbeyondthetearsU

 

Media Contact:

Authorhouse

Sarah Williamson, Promotions Assistant
1663 Liberty Drive Suite 200
Bloomington, IN 47403
HUswilliamson@authorhouse.comU

 

A CHAOTIC LIFE TO THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
Book Tells Story of Tumultuous Life, Suicide Attempt, & Successful Therapy

COLORADO: Following a lifetime of pain, a troubled 25-year-old woman attempts suicide. She seeks counseling afterward, revealing the secrets that have plagued her for years. Therapy helps her to begin healing. In her new memoir, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor’s Story, Lynn C. Tolson tells her story of a chaotic life in an effort to help others who have gone through the same ordeals begin to heal.

During therapy sessions, the young woman tells her story through flashbacks. Her parents divorce when she is 5 and her mother immediately remarries. Her step-father is tormented by growing up in war-torn England and being in the Korean War. Her step-mother gives birth to a Down syndrome child. Later, her brother molests her and their mother enters a psychiatric hospital.

Tolson’s adolescence includes alternate bouts of withdrawal and rebellion, wrapping her up in the culture of the 1960’s. Her schizophrenic father commits suicide shortly after she enters college. She unwittingly continues the chaos by marrying an older, abusive man. Her own suicide attempt prompts her to seek therapy, opening the doors to love and the value of life. Through her story, Tolson hopes to convey to readers that they are not alone.

This work of creative non-fiction reads like a novel instead of a typical self-help book. It fulfills a need for real stories of recovery. By telling her story, Tolson hopes to encourage readers to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing.

Tolson moved to the Southwest after eighteen years in the Northeast. Her working days in retail, real estate, and property management left her unfulfilled. When she began writing in her journal, her real life began. She worked through her experiences with abuse, addiction, and suicide. She left her corporate job to move to the Midwest, write this book, and she returned to college for a degree in social work. She lives in the Rocky Mountain region.

lynn tolson

TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide

 

As a victim advocate, I have established the Project for TEARS. My presentations

  • comfort victims by sharing my story
  • confront violence by breaking the silence
  • change society via information and action

Bachelor’s of Social Work:
Missouri Western State University

EVAW End Violence Against Women:
Sexual Assault Training

CASA Court Appointed Special Advocate:
Volunteer Training

CO Springs Coalition Against Sexual Assault: Committee Member

COPS CO Regional Community Policing Institute: Dynamics of DV

T.E.S.S.A. Center for Prevention of Domestic Violence: Advocate

D.V.E.R.T. DV Emergency Response Team:
Advisory Panel

 
 
Please follow and help support the many who suit up each day and stay out here to shine the light of hope on a dark and weary road that we came from ourselves.  LadyJtalks
 

 
ManyVoicesPress         Dr Lin Morel             
Mike Skinner             BeyondtheTears           
 
Healing & Creativity    Traumastised         
 Gift from Within         Paving the Way PAVE           Support sites & Hospitals 
 
Herschel Walker             Our friends Books   
 Tom Parella music       
 

 

And if it doesn’t  make you laugh at the end then perhaps there is no hope for me either. 

 

Thank you for your emails

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.   I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel nor have they put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels..

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.  

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
                                                              ;                
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes..

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.    
  
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.                                                                          
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

Oh, by the way…..

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

          Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

Ernest (Ernie)

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.  I actually as silly as it may sound, I have a stack of jokes/emails that were coming to any email I had when I first got on the internet.  Some of the ones that I get each year because it does take about a year to make a round, I have seen for many years.  Yet people along the way change the pictures and add some things.  There are many though that I don’t see any more so some day when I have time I’m going to start them going around again. 

4Rchildrensfutures these are a couple of the programs we use and hope you can use them also.  WE get credit when you buy or join under our banners.  As always, stay safe out here yet have fun! 

PS Turn up your computer’s speakers, HOLD ON TO YOUR BOOT STRAPS and check out this MOVIE.

http://ladyjtalks.MyWorldMovie.com

 

 

And if it doesn’t  make you laugh at the end then perhaps there is no hope for me either. 

 

Thank you for your emails

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.   I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel nor have they put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels..

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.  

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
                                                              ;                
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes..

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.    
  
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.                                                                          
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

Oh, by the way…..

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

          Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

Ernest (Ernie)

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.  I actually as silly as it may sound, I have a stack of jokes/emails that were coming to any email I had when I first got on the internet.  Some of the ones that I get each year because it does take about a year to make a round, I have seen for many years.  Yet people along the way change the pictures and add some things.  There are many though that I don’t see any more so some day when I have time I’m going to start them going around again. 

4Rchildrensfutures these are a couple of the programs we use and hope you can use them also.  WE get credit when you buy or join under our banners.  As always, stay safe out here yet have fun! 

PS Turn up your computer’s speakers, HOLD ON TO YOUR BOOT STRAPS and check out this MOVIE.

http://ladyjtalks.MyWorldMovie.com