Modern B*A*G Ladies

July 6, 2010

Modern B*A*G Ladies

Auto Pilot into the Mens Room

Posted: 01 Jul 2010 10:05 PM PDT

Nothing will give you tunnel vision like four pregnancies and sucking down Minnesota’s version of Seven Eleven’s Big Slurpee. It’s 250 miles into the 286 mile trip and I must say the words he dreads most. "Tom, I need to go to the bathroom."  What is about men and road trips? Their inner race car driver comes out.  "I was on a record pace. Seriously, can’t you make it 30 more miles.  I told you not to drink that huge cup of iced tea." (image provided under creative commons license flickr user smaedli)
"Um….. No!"  You know the feeling.  It’s like one minute dry as a desert, over-filled water balloon the next.  Your insides are holding onto the knotted end as it hangs lower with each targeted pothole the husband conveniently hits like a down hill skier making every gate.  "No talking, joking or laughing. Mom’s concentrating."  One more jolt and it will certainly burst.  We’ve made the trip to my parents 100’s of times and I’ve been in every bathroom along the way, dirty and clean. I see the sign.  It’s a beacon of relief.  "Tom, next exit.  Don’t you dare drive past."
The Potty Dance
I walk into the gas station/restaurant/truck stop as casual as possible.  Ho Hum. Don’t mind me, cool mama coming though. Great, I’ve got to sneeze. Casually stop. Bring the knees together.  Squeeze.  Sneeze.  I sprint the last 10 feet to to the ladies room. Damn it’s locked. I turn to check the mens room.  And wouldn’t you know, it appears hubby beats me to the door. TIME FOR THE POTTY DANCE. "Doing the potty dance. Doing potty dance."  Just when you think you couldn’t make it another second the bathroom is available.  I’ll spare you my embarrassing pee in my pants for another post.
It’s interesting how my brain stores the maps to every ladies rooms I’ve ever used.  In the door, take a right, then a left, straight back.  For instance, the ladies room, at an office where I used to work, was always on the right and the mens room was always on the left.  It was a pretty big office and each paired restrooms were laid out this way.  A year ago they downsized and moved the corporate office.  I don’t work at the corporate office any longer, but occasionally need to spend the day there.  On one of those day, soon after arriving the morning tea runs its course and I make my way to the right hand ladies room.  Door open.  Man washing hands.  Dang!  Who is the heck changes a right turning ladies room into a left turning ladies room?
Today, I stopped at the busiest convenient store/gas station in town, to use the restroom.  They had remodeled some months back and guess what?  They turned their left turned ladies room into a right turned ladies room.  Door open. Urinal.  Palm. Forehead. Smack!
There’s this other time when the door back into the office from the engineering lab was one of four identical looking doors.  Yep you know the story.  That makes 3 times I’ve accidentally walked into the mens restroom.
Signs, Maps, GPS Systems

Now wouldn’t it make more sense to have a sign like this posted outside.  It would keep the men out and women would definitely know that room was their room.  Another piece of advise to architects on proper sign placement.  Put the sign on the door.  Not to the side.  That just makes me second guess which door it is. (cartoon provided by
Today when I planted my eyes on that urinate I thought to myself, "I wonder if I’ve gone into the mens room and not realized it."  No really, I thought, "In what other areas of my life am I on auto pilot, ignoring the signs" 
It’s so easy to follow our pre-subscribed maps.  Safe, familiar, predictable seems to be the only logical course to take.  I have a map for that.  Two blocks, left, two blocks, right, 6 miles, right, 10 miles, right, 5 blocks, left,2 blocks, right into the parking lot.  Sure my eyes are on the road, but guess what? I don’t look at the signs anymore.  No need. I know the way too well.
I go to a lot of soccer games at remote soccer fields in towns I’ve never been.  I take a map, use my GPS and I follow the signs.  Sometimes the maps and the GPS don’t agree.  Almost always the signs are right.  Some of them are small and hard to read, which means I have to slow down to read them.  I’ve never not gotten un-lost and the kids have always made the game.
Here’s me in auto pilot mode.  There are sure signs of me not facing my fears and traveling outside of my auto pilot map.

  • Quick to anger and unwilling to stop for potty breaks for fear of not breaking my own record.  Its all about me.
  • I don’t dance and there is no laughter
  • I procrastinate by doing busy work
  • I own stuff I don’t need or have a personal connection
  • There’s a toy box full of McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys
  • We didn’t own a dog
  • I don’t listen
  • I raise my voice 
  • I defined my quality of life by my income
  • I thought when girls didn’t go the college they got married

We’ve reached the (dead) end……
Here’s some food for thought.   Leave the map at home. Set out on an adventure and follow the signs.  Don’t be afraid of getting lost. Flip a coin. Left is heads, right is tails.  Oh and before your go, DRINK A BIG OLE 44 OUNCE CUP OF SOMETHING, GET PREPARED TO  LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AND THEN PEE YOUR PANTS!!

Modern B*A*G Ladies

Comming Soon – Discover Your B*a*g Scavenger Hunt

Posted: 04 Jul 2010 11:09 AM PDT

A Tote B*a*g that’s a Traveling Sanctuary ~ You’re the Traveling Sanctuary

A Tote B*a*g that coaches ~ It’s not a Coach Bag

A Tote B*a*g that reminds you to fuel yourself first ~ Self Care, Not Selfish Care

A Tote B*a*g that is a conversation piece ~ It voices your passions and starts a conversation

A Tote B*a*g that supports the empowerment of women.

Discover Your B*a*g ~ We want to share your story.  Your B*a*g fuels the Believe Act Go Traveling Sanctuary of others.

Proceeds of tote bag sales benefit Enchanted Makeovers and The Angela Shelton Foundation, two non-profit organizations that empower healing and leading joyful lives.

Modern B*A*G Ladies

The Best Fuel is FUN & FREE

Posted: 05 Jul 2010 11:19 AM PDT

Yes, it’s true, the best fuel is free.  That is, fuel for your Believe Act Go Traveling Sanctuary.  And a Victoria Secret Catalog Contains Free Fuel.

Fuel – Intangible energy you generate from with in your feminine power.  It is eco-friendly and infinitely renewable.  Your joy and love shared with others fuels the fuel, multiplying the fuel.  It’s a beautiful cycle.

Case in point:

  • One Daughter
  • One Mom
  • One Friend
  • Friend’s kitchen
  • One Victoria Secret Catalog

Passing the time, waiting to savory an amazing Fourth of July meal I flip through a Victory Secret catalog, sitting on the kitchen island counter top."Paige, assuming I am 50 pounds lighter and would look fabulous in any of these outfits, pick which outfit I would choose for myself.  Don’t point it out until I tell you I’ve made my decision."
You’re sitting, waiting for an appointment or your child’s activity. Your riding in your car.  It’s seemingly wasted idle time, but in reality it’s the prime time to have fun and learn something about your friends and family.  It’s free time, literally free fuel time.
Taking turns picking our favorite outfits was a fun game.  I think we had a accuracy rate of 80%. "Why did you pick that?" I learned more about how her outer style reflects her inner spirit; earthy, eclectic, whimsy. 
Sharing and having fun is the best fuel.  You don’t need to spend money going to the movies, bowling or going on expensive vacations to fuel the fun.  What fun, free games do you play?  When and where?  What do you learn about your friends and family members?   

Send the message forward to your friends and family…LadyJ


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